u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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