she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
