I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
