Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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