Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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