i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
