She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
