btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
