wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
