Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
