people are starting to question the shark bite story
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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