your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
