he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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