Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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