On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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