On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
