i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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