I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
