Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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