The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
