My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
But we have bathrooms and they dont
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
