im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
