Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
