best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
