she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
