I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
