So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
