Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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