when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
