Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
