i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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