doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
