Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We need to get me chipped asap
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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