whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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