Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
