also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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