people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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