I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
