she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This is my life. Enjoy the view
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
