i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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