I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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