I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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