I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
