ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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