I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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