I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
