He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
