I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
