The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
