shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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