Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
