You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
