my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
