I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
