you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
