So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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