Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
