Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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