You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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