if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
