What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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