I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
