I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
