I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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