i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
