Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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