that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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