This girl is more easily done than said...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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