I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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