i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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