you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
